i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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