i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
