I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
