You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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