News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This house was built for laser tag.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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