Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
