girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
the raccoons are back...
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