Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
