I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize