I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
