he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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