Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She swung at the pinata with crutches
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
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A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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