I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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