dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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