Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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