12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
