I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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