covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
