I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
