You work out of a Hotel?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
