Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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