Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
third nipple confirmed
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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