She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
