so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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