Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
