Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
