I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
