He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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