you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
