dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
