Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
