I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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