All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
