Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
