so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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