So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
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If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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