While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
