Where did you get a picture of my penis
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You've changed since you got that strap on
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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