At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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