Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
