youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
