I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
