i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
