i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
