I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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