Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
