u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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