I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
