Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
His nipple licking is glorious
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