it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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