Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
