my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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