my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
