Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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