Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
