just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
