i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
