Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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