Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
