if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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