Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
