She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
