I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
