I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
