He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
