It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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