just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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