MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
