i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
