I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
