I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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