you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
