I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
