she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A+ Viking dick
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
