Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
