i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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