dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
