I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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